when i was ill i thought a lot about how time has passed
it really was been everything i feared
im so unhappy here, its exactly the same as it always was and somehow worse
i have to avoid thinking about myself or freedom or love or happiness or anything else that i used to love so much because its all too painful now
i always knew you were like that, i didnt want to be like that myself
im living a life that isnt mine
i came back on false promises
i never wouldve agreed to it if i knew how things would be now
play pretend happy family
when i know the minute i take a step off the road onto the grass, its back to living hell
when you drove the car you were so happy, reminiscing how you rode horses up and down the hills, how much you love the forest, how it reminded you of europe so much
i could tell how much you suddenly loved the world now that you were out in it again
i wasnt happy for you at all
i was completely disgusted and insulted
how dare you go on about those things to me that you let yourself deprive me of
how dare you enjoy and bask in the beauty of the world, you should be in prison for what you did and you know it
taunting me with memories which i will never have anything comparable to, because of you
you dont even realize how revolting it is, or you dont care, you probably just expect me to bask in the beauty of nature with you and be happy
i would never do that, if you think for even a minute that every moment im around you acting happy or subserviant im not deeply resentful and pretending to keep the peace youre gravely mistaken
every conversation with you leaves me feeling like shit because i dont even want to be talking to you and i shouldnt have to i simply have no one else
i can only feign normalcy for so long, why do i do this to myself