yawn factory

FUCKXCKARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKK

Its hard for me to take politics seriously since most of it is just either pushback or catering to the destruction of old things. Which is the nature of the world in every single way, thers pretty much no subject you can talk about that hasnt come at the destruction of something else. Everything is a constant state of transformation and im not stuck in the present enough to care about where that transformation is currently at. Nothing we know as it is will be the same in 30 years. The same comes with the hot topic of transgenderism.

retarded whores say its just cause i think it looks cool and that im disrespecting christianity bc im not christian myself. in reality the “sacrificial” story of the cross means a lot to me. my christian ex told me about how atheists and satanists totally misunderstand the meaning of the cross, as they think its weird to love the sign of ur leaders death so much. in passing, he mentioned that the real meaning of the cross was one of ultimate sacrificial love, dying gruesomely for the sins of who you love (in that case humanity as a whole). I had never thought about it that way and i thought it was really beautiful. I always felt i had “sacrificed” myself, such as when i rejected college applications for people in my life, or when i came back home and threw away a potential happy life just so mom wouldnt be homeless or kill herself (which is a hopeless mission i know its inevitable). the cross makes me feel a tiny bit better about my overly forgiving personality and how easy i give up everything for other people, which i usually see as a very bad thing and wish i was more selfish. so while im still here in this house feeling awful waking up every morning, it gives me something to feel a bit more okay about. Its like at least im devoting to some sort of purpose. And the reason i wear it everyday is cause i already almost lost it by misplacing it twice, im genuinely retarded so its easier to wear it at all times including in the shower. It was already pretty rusty when i found it on the road and cleaning it didnt do much so eh idc

transhuman as a new religion with new gods, seemingly worshipping the mere idea of progress that is inevitable. yet the real intent is a loosely connected bunch of people with different ideals they want to see brought to life, trying to twist the future to their favor or personal ideology

this is ignoring the basics of, "oh theyre small creepy crawlies they can get in ur food and ur house", cuz that applies to mice and rats and most people agree small rodents are not nearly as horrific, abnormal and revolting as bugs. i think its cuz theyre literally alien compared to everything else we consider animals. When theyre tiny, how we r used to them, we can ignore them as a seperate thing & not rlly think too much abt their sentience or their existence as a lifeform - theyre just "bugs". but when they are big and animal sized we r forced to recognize that they are lifeforms as well and its hard to comprehend bc theyre just so very different from us in every way, its abnormal and bizarre. kinda like the uncanny valley effect. we cant read any emotion from their big metallic eyes or mouths, which eat each other in awful ways that dont show any blood or flesh. what might contribute to that is tht we've acc gone n copied bug designs for technology stuff but the technology tht has that familiar look isnt alive in the slightest. so maybe it activates some sort of uncanny valley type thing in us where it looks like a machine but is also alive at the same time n it feels unnatural

i think medieval people were much more on point when they explained crazy fucks as "being driven mad" "falling to madness" "hysteria" and general insanity due to life rather than sorting little symptoms of specific insanity into boxes without a focus on the person individual life. when i got to the point that i was climbing out my bedroom window with a rope made of my own clothes, threw a bowl across the room unprovoked and crashed a hole in my door, i had been driven to that point, it wasnt cuz of some disorder. but obviously this way of viewing mental illness does not bring people as much money nor does it create easy cures that can be mass marketed to any similar enough case study.

by media, i mean tv shows, anime, doomscrolling on social media, even movies if you binge them all day. i believe that depriving myself of tv shows and doomscrolling is partially why even now i am still able to look at the world with wonder and why everything seems so new and beautiful to me, i deprive myself of seeing too much too often so that everything means more to me , i wouldnt really know how to live if things didnt mean so much to me. Whenever i see “fandom culture” online it deeply unsettles me and i dont understand why its something so normal when through out history no one has ever had that much time to waste on art in such an unproductive manner. In fandom culture, the focus is not to admire art for its message or let it inspire their own work. The focus is endless obsession, community centered around mutual obsession, and fanworks adding on to the original author’s creation. Dedicating yourself to fictional lives can easily become a replacement of giving oneself a real life. The culture of binging any media you want all day to your hearts content has given people much too much

by media, i mean tv shows, anime, doomscrolling on social media, even movies if you binge them all day. i believe that depriving myself of tv shows and doomscrolling is partially why even now i am still able to look at the world with wonder and why everything seems so new and beautiful to me, i deprive myself of seeing too much too often so that everything means more to me , i wouldnt really know how to live if things didnt mean so much to me. Whenever i see “fandom culture” online it deeply unsettles me and i dont understand why its something so normal when through out history no one has ever had that much time to waste on art in such an unproductive manner. In fandom culture, the focus is not to admire art for its message or let it inspire their own work. The focus is endless obsession, community centered around mutual obsession, and fanworks adding on to the original author’s creation. Dedicating yourself to fictional lives can easily become a replacement of giving oneself a real life. The culture of binging any media you want all day to your hearts content has given people much too much